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Just in time for the Christmas Spirit! Here are some new ones! (12/17/04)
- If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the porch.
- Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I'm a bitch.
- I'll be spontaneous when I get around to it.
- There should be a special prison for stupid people.
- Damn right I'm good in bed...I can sleep for days!
- Had this been an actual emergency, I would have screamed AHHHHH!
- If life knocks you down, it's important that you get right back up and shoot it.
- Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
- My reality check is in the mail.
- Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm a raving lunitic, AHHAGGHH!
- The most important thing in life is: ME!
- Be glad I'm not a twin.
- Ever notice that "cupid" rhymes with "stupid"?
- I used to jog 5 miles a day...then I found a shortcut.
- Don't wait! Procrastinate!
- I would enjoy joggin if it wasn't for those long walks back.
- Itchy, Twitchy, and Bitchy
- Me So Corney... ;-)
- Madcowabunga!
- If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me!
- I live at the corner of KissMyAss Ave. and NoFucking Way.
- Read the fine print dumbass.
- Queen Be-atch
- Martin Sheen is my president!
- I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
- I speak sacrasm as a second language.
- If God made man, God can't be perfect.
- Sometimes I feel like an abandoned vehicle.
- If you go around acting like an asshole all the time, eventually you'll be covered in shit.
- Ask me for directions, I'll tell you where to go.
- Jackshit! Do you know me?
- Like birdwatching? How about I flip you one?
- I'm not a complete idiot. You complete me.
- It took me 70 years to look this good!
- Somebody's boring me....I think it's me....
- Stop being so nosey!
- I have the body of a god...unfortunately it's Buddah.... :-(
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
- On the other hand you have different fingers.
- Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
- Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist
- People who never get carried away should be.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
- Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
- We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?
- Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
- Axe me about Ebonics
- Do unto others, then run
- Common sense isn't common
- The older I get, the older old is
- Stupidity -- the gift that keeps on giving
- Constipated people don't give a crap
- I may not be perfect, but I’m all I got
- If we quit voting will they all go away?
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good
- If you can't convince them, confuse them
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead
- Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever
- Stop repeat offenders. Quit re-electing them
- You're never too old to learn something stupid
- In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equally
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode
- Understanding men is like nailing Jello to a tree
- Pi R squared? No! Pie R round! Cornbread R square
- Keep talking . . . . . I always yawn when I'm interested
- People like you are the reason we have middle fingers
- Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else
- Whatever kind of look you were going for today, you missed it
- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose
- Men don't roar, women roar. Then they throw heavy objects.
- I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx
- Women's faults are many, men have only two -- Everything they say and everything they do
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